Stream of Consciousness Sunday - Balancing Guilt and Responsibility

Week 4 is here of my Stream of Consciousness Sunday posts. I'm sure you are thinking: "What in the heck is she talking about now? Balancing Guilt and Responsibility?!"

I saw a post on Friday by the Circle of Moms Editors called "Should You Stop at One? How to Decide Whether to Have Another Child." For us our dilemma is not so much whether we want to have another child but rather when to stop trying.  We originally thought we would space our children perfectly three years apart so Munchkin would be out of diapers & ready to share his world with a sibling.  How was I to know that when my son was 2 1/2 I would experience a layoff, throwing a total wrench in our master plan.

I was paranoid about bringing another life in to the family no knowing how long I would be out of work & how we would be able to afford another little mouth & all the things that come along with them.  After a while we were convinced that maybe this would be a good window to conceive after all because I wouldn't need to worry about maternity leave shortly after starting a new job.

Long story short after not too much longer we were pregnant, however it wasn't meant to be - we miscarried.  After that we waited a year to start trying again - half because I read that was the right thing to do & half because I was again unsure if we were making the right choice.  

We decided to keep trying because our son was rapidly approaching four yrs old.  Again we conceived & we were thrilled & confident this time would be the charm... and once again we lost the pregnancy to miscarriage.

Don't get me wrong I've heard lovely stories about miracle kids who are conceived after multiple miscarriages, but I thought most of those moms were much younger than me.  I'll be 43 in less than two months & worry that we're quickly running out of time. Thus there is the guilt... that we didn't time things right & it may never happen.

Munchkin has an active imagination, one that includes an imaginary little sister that he talks to sometimes & even plays with.  His favorite thing to say as soon as we come through the door after work & daycare/preschool at night is "Play with Me".  I often think how much easier life would be on him with a sibling to love & grow up with.  He says often how he wishes our house was full of kids.

Next lies the responsibility - to give it one last try before either of us gets much older & if it happens - wonderful & if not, know that I'm not any less of a woman, wife & mom than I was 2 years ago.  Our son will still grow up loved & blessed & he'll be something great one day - whether or not we can give him a sibling.  And I have to be okay & live with that fact.

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.

§         Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.

§         Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.

§         Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.

§         Link up your post at all.things.fadra

§         Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

If you liked this post, you might also enjoy:  Stream of Consciousness Sunday - Motherhood in the Forties or  Stream of Consciousness Sunday - Mom Power

Thanks to @KloutPerks & Secret

How can you not help feeling a little special when you pull up & see your first @KloutPerks package waiting on your doorsteps!  

So thanks to the folks at @KloutPerks & Secret(R) for making my day, not to mention that I'm honestly excited to try their new Clinical Strength Waterproof antiperspirant/deodorant! 

Where was this product years ago when I was teaching 11 fitness classes a week?! With the record humidity/dewpoints combined with high temps that we've been seeing of late, Minnesota is a great place to test how effective this new formula will be. I'll keep you posted.

Disclosure: I was given a free product or sample because I'm a Klout influencer. I was under no obligation to receive the sample or talk about this company. I get no additional benefits for talking about the product or company. http://klout.com/perks/disclosure

Stream of Consciousness Sunday - Mom's Night Out

Here we are in my 3rd week of Stream of Consciousness Sunday.  What a stressful work week it was & I was very much looking forward to spending some Mom time alone with my girlfriends.

B.C. (Before Child) I would get out on the town quite frequently for GNO - "Girls Night Out".  In the Summers, Thursday was my night out to relieve a little stress on the golf course.  I had picked up my clubs again after a pretty long hiatus & have been hooked for the past seven years or so. The relationships I built over that time, with my golfing buddies are still very important to me.

This Summer I was feeling a bit guilty about spending the extra money now that the job I'm in doesn't pay any where near what I used to make before I was laid off.  This recession has changed everyone's lifestyles & we are no exception.  I decided to let my hubby play softball & I would forfeit my weekly nights out.

But I miss it...terribly - so when one of my Golf girlfriends emailed & said let's get together & see a play - I was determined to make it happen & this past Friday was my long awaited night out.  
We went to see "A Funny Thing Happened On the Way to The Forum" at the Jungle Theater here in the Twin Cities & it made me realize not only how much I miss "GNO", but it also reminded me of how much I miss going to the theater.

"The musical's original 1962 Broadway run won several Tony Awards, including Best Musical and Best Book." - From Wikipedia

It was a fun evening & a very humorous production. We even chatted with one of the actors after the show who just happened to be my girlfriend's Barista at Starbucks.  He was a brilliant young man with a determined soul, almost wise beyond his years at 25.  He thanked us for coming out to support the arts because without the audience - he could not do what he loves so much.  He even sang a little Opera for us at the table where we shared a drink.

It was a lovely evening away & I didn't feel the least bit guilty about getting home after midnight & best of all, awakening that spirit that says: "I am worth some special away time with my friends... to relax, recharge & to feel like a worthy individual, because I do work very hard both in & away from home & I deserve it."

So basic, but yet so easy to forget.  I'm curious, what kinds of things do you do to take care of yourself, heal & recharge your soul?  I'd love to hear your thoughts.

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.

§         Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.

§         Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.

§         Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.

§         Link up your post at all.things.fadra

§         Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

If you liked this post, you might also enjoy:  Walking the Fine Line or Life On Both Sides of the Working/SAHM Mom Continuum

Wordless Wednesday - After the Rain

After a monster storm is my favorite time to capture photos of my garden.  Still waiting to be able to pick much of it, but it's so calming watching the day-to-day progress.  Nature isn't rushed along like the rest of us poor souls. Enjoy...

If you liked this post, you might also enjoy: Wordless Wednesday - Early Summer Treasures or Spring Plantings - Triumph over Winter to see how far the garden has come. :  )

Will You Wait & See or Are You Riding The Google+ Bandwagon?!

Twitter has been on fire lately with posts about pending world domination because now we have Google+.  The early adopters are calling for a mass exodus from Facebook ~ even Twitter & LinkedIn. Soon these newly self-crowned Google+ "experts" will say we should pledge allegiance to the man-made deity who is all things Google.

On the other side of the camp are regular people with insights on their initial experiences and in that realm - reviews are mixed. Initial concerns from the "reals" are over duplication of content, privacy, who is able to put you in their circle, being married to a single e-mail address - the one you initially build the profile with and even that the majority of the users are tech nerdy guys. ;  )
Take this post from Jacob Morgan:Google Plus, the Best Way to Duplicate Your Content or an investor's viewpoint: Google+ vs. The World – Can Google Beat Facebook?

For those of you not interested yet in selling your soul to beg for a Google+ invitation, this is the screen you see whenever you click" +You" ~ a big fat "You're just not cool enough for us yet" rejection screen.

So I find a ton of humor in this fever that has been blanketing twitter:

@Mashable posted this humorous video link from hulu:

http://mashable.com/2011/07/13/google-plus-jimmy-fallon/

Of course you have high profile people who are exiting out of Google+'s "public view" as quickly as they hopped on board:

Wouldn't be a cool tech thing without the brutally desperate ones who get busted trolling for Google+ friends:

Plus the hot-tempered testosterone fueled signs of lack of patience over etiquette, or lack there of:

I found that @Nakia, one of my favorite artists from NBC's The Voice, is on the wagon and he says "I'm still figuring out how I want to interact on this here G+ thingy. lol"

Infinite insightful wisdom abounds, for example this virtual fortune telling moment from @garyvee:

Some of my favorite informative posts about Google+ are captured below - Check them out if you want to be an informed decision maker - not just another sheep following the herd.

From Olivier Blanchard aka @thebrandbuilder

Is Google+ really a big deal? 8+ things everyone should know about Google+

From @JasonFalls

Reality To Soon Set In On Google+

From @Mashable

Google+: The Complete Guide

If you liked this post, you might also enjoy: The Lure of Blog Comments or Converting those who say: Foursquare's NOT for Me!

Stream of Consciousness Sunday - Mom Power

Here I am staying true to my commitment & it's week 2 of Stream of Consciousness Sunday.  I knew this weekend would be a little more stressful than normal.  My hubby is out of town on a golf trip - left on Thursday, which makes me Single Momma for a few days.  

Every time he leaves for business or pleasure I almost immediately know that at the end of it I will be stressed & drained - not at all recuperated from the weekend off, but it's what I signed up for when I decided to marry my hubby.  I knew what I was getting myself into once we had kids.

Anyway, I escaped a bit early from work on Friday, excited to have a couple hours of me time to get things done before picking up my son. I ran a couple errands, including the grocery store & when I got home I headed downstairs to the basement to put the overflow in the big chest freezer downstairs.

As I opened the door, I heard a hissing sound & knew immediately my night would be screwed.  A water pipe had sprung a tiny leak & was shooting out sharply in the direction of our furnace.  "Crap, Crap! Why did this have to happen when hubby is out of town, Crap." Those were my thoughts.  

I called my hubby, and got his voicemail - twice, so I called one of his friends who was on the trip.  He tracked down my hubby, driving to the hole were he was golfing.  Long story short, there was nothing he could do except talk me towards the right valve to shut off the water & it would be up to me to get it fixed or be without water until he returned 3 days later. I wrapped duck tape around the pipe to direct the flow of water toward the drain until I figured out what to do next.

I called two plumbers out of the yellow pages & got estimates - both of which were basically highway robbery. It was after 5:00pm on a Friday, so I'd pay $200 to get them there & then time & a half for labor plus materials. I texted my hubby the prices & then thought I have another idea.

I remembered that the contractor who did the job finishing off our basement did not normally go on the trip that my hubby was on. I drove to daycare to pick up my Munchkin.  I then called him & he said, "No, don't use those emergency plumber guys! They are just out to fleece people. I'll be there within a couple of hours to fix it." And so he did.

I felt empowered that I thought on my feet & handled the situation without freaking out about circumstances I could not control. I tweeted about my little victory with a twitter friend who conquered her own dragon that same evening.

No doubt my five minutes are up, but it feels great to know that when it counts you are the Mom that stepped up to the plate & handled the situation. Yes, that's right - I have Mom Power, and I bet you do too. ;  )

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.

§         Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.

§         Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.

§         Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.

§         Link up your post at all.things.fadra

§         Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

If you liked this post, you might also enjoy: Stream of Consciousness Sunday - Motherhood in the Forties

Wordless Wednesday - Just like a Commercial

There was no doubt how much fun Munchkin had when I came to pick him up from daycare/preschool last Friday.  They had been playing in a jumper & of course running through the grass around it without their shoes on.

Nothing says Mom of a Son like a good old pair of filthy, dirty socks. I couldn't have dreamed up a better sequence of events. It was as if we were secretly being filmed for a laundry detergent commercial as Munchkin lifted his feet to show off his handiwork & his teacher laughed & said "good luck getting those socks clean!"

If you liked this post, you might also enjoy: The Recycling Of Vintage Memories or Thoughtful Thursday - Reflections of a Nurturer

Stream of Consciousness Sunday - Motherhood in the Forties

Well here it goes, my first Stream of Consciousness Sunday post about Motherhood in the Forties.  As I played with my son in the driveway yesterday while my hubby golfed the day away I thought I'm getting too old for this. I grabbed a couple of stadium cushions to put on the ground to sit on & proceeded to race LEGO Cars around a LEGO racetrack.

My munchkin is four & I'll be forty-three in only two months.  Being the Mom of a preschooler is an adventure, but so much more so when you are contemplating how to grow in your career & be the best Mom you know how to be.  Kindergarten is still a year away & I'm concerned with how to balance my life & how to make sure I don't miss a thing.  

We saw a woman on the news who was turning 102 & Munchkin said "I don't ever want you to get that old because you're my Mom & I don't want you to die because then I won't have a Mom." It really hit home for me and gives me all the more reason to commit to taking care of myself & being the healthiest I can possibly be, so that I have many more years of looking younger than I am, so that my growing Son can always be proud to say I'm his Mom.

Now I can say that five minutes really flies by, but with time the words will flow more easily & this writing exercise will become like second nature... at least that's my hope.

This was my first 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.

§         Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.

§         Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.

§         Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.

§         Link up your post at all.things.fadra

§         Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

If you liked this post, you might also enjoy: For Better Or For Worse - When A Store Brand Isn't Really A Bargain or Everyone Loves Lemonade

Wordless Wednesday - Early Summer Treasures

After a long day at the office, 

 and when Munchkin is ready for bed, 

 sometimes I take a minute or two or ten 

& escape by myself to my backyard garden

to enjoy the new blooms -

  such a calming end to the day.

If you liked this post, you might also enjoy: Wordless Wednesday: MN State Fair - Through The Eyes Of My Son or Wordless Wednesday - Summer Fun On A Shoestring Budget

Enchantment To Follow

I started reading Guy Kawasaki's Enchantment last night after buying it several months ago.  I'm making a commitment to embrace my blog again and to get back to the exercise of free flow writing. I'm awakening to find my authentic voice one more.

Life, now that I've been back working full time for a year totally distracts the writer in me. I've been so focused on where my career needs to go next & how I can continue to make steps to get there. It's so difficult to find regular moments of peace and solitude to allow the thoughts to flow through my pen to paper, but when I do it seems so much more real and engaging.

You shouldn't second guess yourself before the thoughts are fully composed and edited, I know, however I do it all the time. If I wait to do the brain dump, my thoughts wander onto the next topic and then I lose the base premise of what I intended to write about. The thought then falls into the vast repository of unfinished draft material.  I yearn so desperately to write seemingly effortlessly like Olivier Blanchard, @TheBrandBuilder, but we can't all be so gifted & French for that matter. Blogging for most is a legitimate part-time job.

My best writing is almost always inspired by a revelation, something I've observed or something profoundly identifiable I've read.  To me a great blogger has to constantly & consciously be in search of those sources of inspiration, which can be easier said than done for most working moms, but it is possible.

So while this isn't a book review yet (I've only read to pg.15 as well as the Coverphon where Guy explains how he crowd-sourced to get the inspiration for his book cover art: the origami butterfly), and my Munchkin is snuggling up to me for some Sunday morning "Mommy & Me" time, I'm feeling inspired to get "Back To Blogging" & make July a great month for posting.

Enchantment to follow...

If you liked this post, you might also enjoy: Olivier Blanchard's Social Media ROI - Part 1 of a 2-Part Review or The Lure of Blog Comments

You Can't Stop Time

My munchkin is infatuated with Superheros.  His favorite is Spiderman but he also loves Ironman, Batman & so many others.

He said a while back that he could turn back the clock if he just had his Spiderman Costume on.  My hubby explained that Superman was the only superhero who had the ability to move so fast he could virtually turn back time. Not quite the truth but definitely a stretch of the imagination.

"Superman's strength is so great that he can move entire planets at once and is able to fly at speeds faster than light. He can use this power to travel through time as well as fly to other worlds, solar systems and galaxies and even to other universes with relative ease." -via wikipedia.org

As juvenile as that conversation seems, it got me thinking about the path my life has taken...and whether I'd ever wish to rewind & do anything differently.   Even though it's been a path of constant reinvention the answer is no. Time has brought so much change, more than I could have ever imagined - all of which has helped shape me into the 40-something warrior & working mom that I am.

  “I think we all wish we could erase some dark times in our lives. But all of life's experiences, bad and good, make you who you are. Erasing any of life's experiences would be a great mistake.” -Luis Miguel

This path has been a long one and even in the past year when I thought I knew where the path would take me I get a call that completely turns things around & points me in yet a new direction.  

 “There are no mistakes. The events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn; whatever steps we take, they're necessary to reach the places we've chosen to go.” - Richard Bach

Doesn't seem that long ago when I was doing my internship fresh out of college.  It was with AT&T & even then people started working for a company & pretty much stayed there, moving up through the ranks for 20, 30 even 40+ years.  No one does that anymore.

 "You go for it, you want more, you believe in yourselves and in the fight...you know that good enough simply isn't good enough" - Bethanny Frankel

My chosen field of marketing has evolved exponentially since the late 80's and some companies & industries have had an easier time adapting to the changes than others. Some leaders get caught up in fear of commitment. They aren't sure exactly what to do, so they do nothing at all & by the time they decide to get in the game it's too late, they can't possibly catch up. Nothing has brought that out in the open more than the social web and mobile commerce which are rapidly shaping & changing the customer experience.

The pace of business & the technology that supports it moves so quickly now, you either learn to move along with it, or you'll get trampled & no one will look back to help you up, much less stop to acknowledge that they ran you over.

 

A day doesn't go by on twitter that someone either is professing to be an "expert" at something, or that they will "teach you how to be an expert" like them. It's never too late to find your niche in your current career or start over & embark on a brand new one. But of course, there is no shortcut to success and there is no fast track to building your reputation. It's all about what you do - not so much what you preach that you can do.

“Success seems to be connected with action. Successful people keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don't quit.” - Conrad Hilton

People I admire, watch & try to emulate are those that move at their own pace & with a clear vision of what could be done given the right resources, time, attention & focus. They don't just wait, they are leaders who craft their dreams into business plans, and eventually make them a reality ~ without reservations.

Regardless of whether you are where you want to be at any given point in life, you can't stop time.  There's no reward for regrets. There's no reason for fear to stop you from forging ahead one hurdle at a time. To be held hostage by fear is a waste of valuable time. Tomorrow is squarely in your hands and your success will hinge on your credibility, attitude & how well you prepare yourself for the journey ahead.

If you liked this post, you might also enjoy: Minneapolis Loves A Good Food Truck Vendor or Lunch via Vellee Deli