Stream of Consciousness Sunday: Preoccupied

Father's Day this year was also the first day of Summer, so obviously I've been pretty preoccupied with my seasonal passion - Gardening. I was so excited when Fadra first announced that Stream of Consciousness Sunday was coming back as it gave me some motivation to dust off this blog & do a bit of writing again. My Tumblr has gotten much more action as I use it mainly to post photographs. It's been a busy transition from the end of school to Summer Munchkin activities so a few weeks of posting have been missed. Hopefully with the end of Baseball and Summer Hockey still a few weeks away, more posts will get done here each week.

So here's my 5 minute brain dump...



Morning comes quickly when I realize I've skipped a day of Allergy medicine.  It's been a particularly bad year for Allergy sufferers, like no year in the past. It started with my son. After a conversation with his pediatrician, she advised me that the Claritin we had been taking was the bottom of the strength chain as far as OTC meds go. I quickly switched him from Claritin to Zyrtec because he is usually much more sensitive to the triggers than I am.

The switch was successful for him, but I thought it made more sense for me to use up the Claritin we had left in the house - those pills can get costly when you are taking them for months at a a time.

Until I played a round of golf after work one day a few weeks ago, not realizing I had forgotten to take my daily dose. Of course the grass pollen counts have been sky high, so the next morning I felt like I was catching something. Took a hot minute to realize I felt like crud because of that one little white pill.  I switched to Zyrtec as well because the pollen counts did not look to be going down for quite some time. Took about a week to have the new medication to build up in my system & to feel like my old self again.

After transplanting up 10 pepper seedlings yesterday and putting down 1 1/2 cubic yards of cocoa bean mulch in the backyard landscape, again it hit me about 5:00 am this morning that I missed taking an allergy pill. I took the pill, then checked on my plants to make sure nothing got tossed about in the storm last night. After a shower & doing my hair & I checked to see if Fadra had posted yet & she hadn't, so linking up will wait.  Perhaps she's been preoccupied too.

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

• Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
• Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. This is writing in the raw.
• Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
• Link your new posts to All Things Fadra (feel free to use her SOC Sunday graphic).

Stream of Consciousness Sunday - Perceptions Cloud Reality

As I write, AMC is running a Mad Men marathon. Just finished watching my first episode. while it's intriguing, I'm glad it wasn't a show I felt a need to watch. The main character Don Draper seems to be rather crazy in an obsessive, compulsive & controlling sort of way after having had a messed up childhood.

It's been a stressful week at work but a relaxing week at home. The first week in a long while that I wasn't running a million miles an hour trying to meet every obligation. Was even able to see a few girlfriends & celebrate a belated birthday over appetizers & a glass of  wine.

Fadra has taken a couple of weeks off from Stream of Consciousness Sunday posting, but we're back on again this week.

So here's my 5 minute brain dump:



What did we do before the internet...

When feelings of depression overcame us.

When a friend passed away.

When you lost touch with someone who you thought might be your friend forever.

When you couldn't get a hold of your weight & felt hopeless.

When your kids actions made you feel life your control as a parent was slipping away.

When you couldn't find a job that paid a living wage.

When you are homeless and are feeling like there's no light at the end of the tunnel & things will never improve.

All these things passed by my eyes via social media this past week.  Social media is that place where we all feel as if we need to put our best foot forward & show the world that everything is perfect.  Picture perfect posts get likes & heart-warming comments and who doesn't want those things. But sometimes it's ok to be perfectly imperfect. It's ok to extend an ear to a friend who could use someone to stop for a moment & listen, to offer advice or just be a virtual shoulder to lean on. 

There are so many seemingly perfectly decorated homes which stay immaculate & impeccably organized & photo-ready at the drop of a hat which grace the pages of blogs & Instagram - but yours is far from that, no matter how much you shop & rearrange & tidy up your home is just too ordinary to showcase to anyone. But that is the rule - not the exception as the internet would have you believe.

And that's just fine...because perceptions cloud our reality.

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

• Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
• Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. This is writing in the raw.
• Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
• Link your new posts to All Things Fadra (feel free to use her SOC Sunday graphic).

Stream of Consciousness Sunday - Changing Landscape

I'm back at it - pulling thoughts from my cluttered head & putting words on a page.  Such a bizarre week - an unexpected death in our extended family.  A father, only 50, who had been diagnosed with stage 3 Colon Cancer, but most likely due to fatal complications from chemotherapy & a genetic heart condition he was called home way too soon, leaving behind a wife, three kids, his parents, his 2 siblings & a myriad of friends & family.

Others in my circle have experiences heartbreaking losses, or are dealing with a family member with disease diagnosises requiring aggressive treatment. It never seems fair or just, it just is.  We are left to do what we can to support our friends & loved ones as best we can.

So here's my 5 minute brain dump...

Spring is arriving sooner than normal for Minnesotans.  It's barely April & my husband has already played his first round of golf.  I have high expectations for this year's growing season, the efforts more planned & calculated than ever.  

When we moved into this home coming up on 10 years ago, the lansdcape was beautifully done - the work of the previous owners, who left behind meticulous records of everything planted on the property.  It was overwhelming to say the least - I knew nothing about maintaining landscapes or distinguishing between a dozen differn't types of fertilizers. I still don't.

So since Hubby had proclaimed the outside of the house his territory to maintain & the inside was mine, I let him go at it.  But outside of lawn care & anything other than trimming hedges back or cutting back hostas at the end of the fall, he was just as lost as I was in that department,. As he slowly started to decontruct the existing landscaping, attempting to make it a lower maintenance effort from year to year, my love of gardening started to emerge.

I started with filling pots with colorful arrangements of flowers to brighten up our front walkway & steps, then branched out into the world of container gardening on our deck. Over the years, my love of growing has blossomed. Last year 27 containers filled our deck & each year I am anticipating more & planning how to do things better, getting more yield from my efforts. Our landscape continues to evolve. Last fall, I planted new tulip bulbs, a Mother's Day gift from my MIL last year. Blanket Flowers, Zinnia, Lillys & strawberries will edge our home again & for the first time I'll plant more Blueberries in the yard & grow a couple patio varieties along with a few strawberries on our deck.  I intend to plant some wildflowers on the edge of our marsh. A peek at this year's seedlings...

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

• Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
• Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. This is writing in the raw.
• Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
• Link your new posts to All Things Fadra (feel free to use her SOC Sunday graphic).

Stream of Consciousness Sunday: Mid-Life. The Here & Now.

It's almost 3:00 pm on Sunday - much later than when I'm normally sitting down to write this post. While online late last night I noticed Fadra had not yet done her writing so I gave her a little shout-out on Twitter & found out her internet had been down, plus she had simply forgotten to write her own post.

All is good now - she & a few others have linked up - but after I do there will still be plenty of room for you to do the same - so get after it.

So here's my 5 minute brain dump...

So Munchkin Hockey is back - for a short while. You don't realize what a huge part of your life it is until you are away from it. Ran into an association mom who is on a different team in our game league and she claimed to be going through withdrawal - in only a week found herself missing the comraderie & conversations with other Hockey Moms. I know exactly how she feels. 

Wouldn't call it mid-life crisis, but things are changing - priorities shifting from my own to that of my son's as has my sense of self worth. Haven't spent as much time on myself as I do making sure my son's life is in order. Beginning to think that needs to change. That saying "if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy"totally applies here.

Someone posted on Facebook last night 2 questions which had to be answered in 2 words: 

1. Are you happy?
2. What made you answer the way you did above?

My answer was - Yes, Gratitude

I did not lie - I'm extremely grateful for the blessings that have been bestowed upon me, but I would be fibbing if I didn't admit that I had an answer for the "No" too. Sometimes we are so careful to project outward all the fun & what we deem to be the things that others in our social circle will deem interesting & light. Who wants to be around a downer?!

As the washing machine & dishwasher slosh & whir while the tea kettle whistles - I think of everything I should be doing besides writing. 

But at least for this 5 minutes I was able to take my mind off of all those things that remain undone for work, for this home & for me.

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

• Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
• Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. This is writing in the raw.
• Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
• Link your new posts to All Things Fadra (feel free to use her SOC Sunday graphic).

Stream of Consciousness Sunday - Rituals

A rare weekend without kid sports is coming to an end. Last weekend was the finale of a really fun & busy kid hockey season so I didn't find time to do any free writing.  I'm back - once again at the end of the day when I should be logged into work right now, but I'd much rather chill for just a few minutes more...

So here's my 5 minute brain dump...

Rituals.

Our snow is almost gone... a bit early for Minnesota but we're not complaining. Everyone has seasonal rituals. Call it New Year Resolutions, Spring Cleaning, Fall Back whatever you prefer, we all have certain things we do when the change of the seasons come along.

The want-to-be interior designer & personal shopper craves changing things up in our home for the Fall, the holidays & now for Spring. It started out as something for my kid, to create life-long memories & traditions - but now I realize it's exactly those things, but for myself. Often times we wish for things we saw other friends have but didn't...and for me it was family rituals & traditions. 

So when the forecast called for sunny skies & temperatures in the 60's, the rest of the winter decor had to go. Out came the bunnies, the Easter eggs, the linen pillows, a lighter throw for the living room couch and the gardening decor. The look is fresh, much lighter, more crisp, a bit eclectic but still warm. I planted my second tray of seeds & did a little shopping... incorporating a few new pieces of decor into the mix. 

My favorite go-to places for the finds are HomeGoods, TJMaxx, Zulily & sometimes Marshalls. Check out my Tumblr blog & you'll see a few of the fun things I spot.

Overall it was a great weekend, it actually hit a record 70 degrees today - but I'm curious if I'm the only crazy mom who lives for the seasonal switch?

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

• Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
• Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. This is writing in the raw.
• Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
• Link your new posts to All Things Fadra (feel free to use her SOC Sunday graphic).

Stream of Consciousness Sunday - Under The Wire

It's late on Sunday night & I could just as easily skip this task and chill. It's been a busy but a productive weekend, but 5 minutes of writing will do my mind good. So here it is:

This week's 5 minute brain dump...

When you're a working mom, you can find yourself living for the weekends. All week long you are racing against the clock. It's not easy to work an extra hour or two here & there anymore in the office. You squeeze as much as possible into each day, then drag your laptop home at night or for the weekend & using whatever little bit of energy you have left, usually in the wee hours of the night, you try to focus on what there wasn't enough time for.

But it's hard, so hard to squeeze that time away from my child, the housework, and all the other family obligations that we all have. I was a very productive mama this weekend - mountains of laundry washed, folded & put away, floors vacuumed or swept, bed linens stripped cleaned & replaced, grocery shopping done, bathrooms cleaned, plants watered, family time - lots of it with an outing on Friday night, hockey on Saturday & church activities Sunday morning. 

Meals for the week have been planned, the kid has started his homework for the week. It's going to be Spring soon, so I started planting a few seeds. My hubby asked if I intended to start my entire garden from seed this year & I hope to be able to get a good portion of it started from seed vs buying starts. Every year there is so much more to learn about the art of gardening.

So I didn't blow this off - I'm finding time to do the things that matter, the things that re-charge me & make me relax a bit more going into the next work week, even if it means getting things done under the wire.

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

• Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
• Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. This is writing in the raw.
• Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
• Link your new posts to All Things Fadra (feel free to use her SOC Sunday graphic).

Stream of Consciousness Sunday - The Volunteer Society

Every time I get through an exceptionally stressful week, it feels like there should be a break where I don't have a ton on my plate, but that never happens. Being a parent presents you with so many additional responsibilities...those things that no one tells you when you are discussing starting a family. 

It's been both good & bad that we have only been blessed with one child. Given that between work, church & personal agendas there are an amazing number of opportunities available to give of your time for charities of your choice. But when kids are in the mix, you come to realize that things seem to have changed significantly since we were school-aged.

So here's my 5 minute brain dump...

They start you out easy with kid sports. It all seems so low key - relatively inexpensive and manageable. You fill their preschool days with as many activities as you can, wanting them to try everything & figure out what they really enjoy. There's swimming lessons, t-ball, soccer, gymnastics, tumbling, skating lessons and here in Minnesota, there is hockey. The list goes on & on.

From the first open house for elementary school you figure out that not a lot happens in the schools unless parents are available to give of their time & talents. The long table of sign-up sheets was so intimidating. Looking at the names of the events, you have no clue what any of it is, or what you are getting into if you volunteer. 

The easiest route to take is to volunteer in your kid's room - that you can handle, knowing that you'll have to bite the bullet & find at least a couple more things you can take time off to help with in the course of the year.

You feel guilty after the first year of school when you figure out that the majority of the go-to volunteers are the stay-at-home moms - and that doesn't work for you - a working mom.

Then comes the sports leagues, where they have you write the checks up front - one for the fundraiser & the other for volunteer hours.  There is a minimum & your motivation for getting all your volunteer hours in is the threat of that enormous check getting cashed. You are after all a parent living in a volunteer society and they have you at hello.

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

• Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
• Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. This is writing in the raw.
• Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
• Link your new posts to All Things Fadra (feel free to use her SOC Sunday graphic).

Stream of Consciousness Sunday: Late to the Party

It's Sunday evening & I'm not the least bit stressed for a change because it's a holiday weekend & I know I get to spend tomorrow at home with my family. I have some work to do from home, but knowing I don't have to rush my child out of bed, off to school, then race through rush hour traffic to get to the office is a rare treat. So here we go.

5 minutes seems like an eternity & a heartbeat - all at the same time. Finding 5 free minutes to write shouldn't be difficult, right, but it is. My 2 boys, the big and the little are both fast asleep napping, so continuing making dinner can wait. 

I admit it, Fadra, I miss the writing prompts. So many things racing through my head as I sit inside the warm house, thankful this Minnesota winter has been crazy easy so far. A shortage of snow & bitterly cold days makes me appreciate why we love to live here & not the East Coast given the hell Boston has been delivered in the past several weeks.

I worry about the fact that we can see the grass in our yard & the days it warms up I'm afraid the tulips that I planted in the backyard might get a bit confused & start to bloom way too soon. Spring planting is not that far away.  

Last year I started with quite a few plants from seed, but I was a bit late to the party & could have started that process much earlier.  Excited to get planting in only a few short weeks this year, I have a wonderful collection of "Grow Journey" seeds from South Carolina's Tyrant Farms.  Google them if you're curious. I'll be blogging quite a bit about my gardening adventures in the months to come.

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

• Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
• Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. This is writing in the raw.
• Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
• Link your new posts to All Things Fadra (feel free to use her SOC Sunday graphic).

Stream of Consciousness Sunday: Letting Go

So, technically it's not Sunday yet here in the Central Time Zone, however I'm pushing hard to get back into the habit of blogging at least once (or twice) a week. It's been an eternity since I was in a writing groove, but I'm determined to let the words flow once again. There's no better way than this to oil the gears, so here it goes.

The office. 

It's always been my downfall, my Achilles heel, my torture chamber of disorganization. It's the dumping ground for mail, catalogs, magazines, crafting supplies, wrapping supplies, scrapbooking supplies, mountains of books, gifts, Munchkin school papers, etc. I could go on for hours. It's the one place I toss things in to be dealt with another time, were I shut the door & say "don't go in there." 

There is sentiment, worry, doubt, fears, fabulous memories & not so fabulous ones. Old photo albums, old cards - all those things which I am afraid to let go of. But it's time... beyond time for a cleanse, a massive purge, a new start.

Before I can change my mind, before I have time to question if I'll need it someday.

Three bags of shredding & garbage taken out in the past couple of days. It's a small start to letting go.

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

• Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
• Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. This is writing in the raw.
• Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
• Link your new posts to All Things Fadra (feel free to use her SOC Sunday graphic).

Reinvention and the final Stream of Consciousness Sunday

Say it isn't so!

I've totally been delinquent, preoccupied, whatever you'd like to call it & haven't done many of these lately but it certainly won't be the last post of this nature - I'll just be providing my own inspiration vs. relying on Miss Fadra, who has told us she is moving on from hosting this weekly forum. 

While it's nostalgic & a bit sad, I imagine it's incredibly freeing for Fadra to let go of this weekly obligation & I support her wholeheartedly. I get it. I feel the pressure too, so it totally makes sense to move on, but before we do, here's one last linked post.

Today’s (Optional) Writing Prompt: What does it mean to reinvent yourself?

Today my son asked me "what I'd like to do for a living." A few days ago, I was joking around with him in the car and he told me: "Mom, you are going to be out of control when you grow up!" The thought of being a 40 something mom of a soon to be school-age child begs for a constant state of reinvention in my life.

if you read my last post, you would see how overwhelming my life has become lately. I'm fighting to keep up, yet I know my season of change is never-ending or at least it will feel that way for the distant future. I'm at a stage in my career where I know I need to be doing something else & I've taken steps to get where I think I need to be, but the path has not taken me where I expected it to go. I'm re-evaluating what I really want to be when I grow up, literally.

It's like my kid has ESP & knows what I've been preoccupied about lately even though I don't say a word about it to him. He's sensitive, loving & caring. I'm certain he knows when I'm stressed & when I don't want him to know I'm stressed.

The major victory this year has been getting back to the business of being in shape. I had put that on the back burner, but now I'm cooking with gas...down a clothing size & on the way to dropping one more. Feeling more like my old self, but in a different way - not my old competitive self, but comfortable in my own skin. I've learned it's not ok to put myself last ALL the time. I'm a better person for it - both inside & out. 

I know that it will take some time to put all the pieces in place so that my future will be more clear, but I am moving forward nonetheless. I'll know it when I get there, but for now I am trusting that this path to reinvention will end in a happier place.

If you liked this post, you might also enjoy: Stream of Consciousness Sunday: 90 Days to Success or Stream of Consciousness Sunday: Caught Up In A Twist Of Fate

Stream of Consciousness Sunday: 90 Days to Success

It's been 3 weeks since my last post. With so much swirling in my head lately about my life goals & vision for accomplishments this year, it doesn't surprise me that I haven't been able to decide what exactly which goals I should be writing about. 

This blog is in no way going to turn into to place to keep track of this journey back to a higher level of fitness but I may journal a bit of it over on my Tumblr.  There is however a huge milestone coming for me on Monday, so just for this Stream of Consciousness Sunday I'm focusing on that measurement of success.

Today’s (optional) Writing Prompt: What is success to you and how will you know when you achieve it?

Sometimes it's hard to believe that this was once me. Determined, driven, focused, deprived, yes, but successful in my own way - conquering the vices of the mind to achieve a better body. A body that I used to compete with & one that as a group fitness instructor I used to help teach other to become more fit themselves.

These are my "before" my "before pics. I can look at them & say although I didn't win every NPC bodybuilding show I competed in - competition was always very tough. I always held my own & would come back for more again & again to improve - to move closer to "winning". I won the overall title in one important show, qualifying me to compete at the national level if I so chose & for that I deemed myself a successful competitive bodybuilder. But that was my "old" life.

Flash forward to today - and when I look in the mirror as a wife & a mom, I desperately want to see the me that used to be - not the me that I've been molded into today.  It's a strange thing to look in the mirror, accept the changes & wonder how you're ever going to get back to a place where you don't obsess about your appearance, not that I didn't back then either - I most certainly did.

I signed up to do a 90 day fitness challenge with a friend who has become a Beach Body Coach & is having a blast with it helping to motivate others while she improves her own level of fitness.  It begins Monday. I intend to do this the right way - to stay focused & dedicated the entire time. That means working out 6 days a week & following the "RevAbs" program the entire time.  I want to feel successful again & seeing major progress at the end of these 90 days will get me there. 

I've taken measurements to make sure I can not only visualize progress but validate it with the numbers on the tape measure. I will also buy a scale.  I REALLY despise scales. Being in tune with how my clothes fit has always been the best indicator of how things are going with my level of fitness.

I also took a fitness test measuring things like Squat Holds, Push-ups, Jumping Jacks, Planks, Cobras, Crunches & Leg Drops.  Because of the mini fitness challenge I started on my own back in January, where I worked out with my kettlebell every day of that month, I actually did pretty well with all of them - except for the Side Plank which I could not for the life of me figure out what I was supposed to do.

This next 90 days will be a stepping stone to achieving other goals I have to check off my list in 2012.  Don't expect me to post my latest before pics or my after pics here but know that if/when I'm successful with this goal - nothing will be able to stop me from blowing the top off of the rest of my goals. Mind over matter...is the secret & Mind over Body...will be the recipe for my future successes.

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.

§         Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.

§         Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.

§         Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.

§         Link up your post at all.things.fadra

§         Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

If you liked this post, you might also enjoy: Day 17 Of An Unofficial 31 Day Experiment or Stream of Consciousness Sunday: Caught Up In A Twist Of Fate