Stream of Consciousness Sunday: Letting Go

So, technically it's not Sunday yet here in the Central Time Zone, however I'm pushing hard to get back into the habit of blogging at least once (or twice) a week. It's been an eternity since I was in a writing groove, but I'm determined to let the words flow once again. There's no better way than this to oil the gears, so here it goes.

The office. 

It's always been my downfall, my Achilles heel, my torture chamber of disorganization. It's the dumping ground for mail, catalogs, magazines, crafting supplies, wrapping supplies, scrapbooking supplies, mountains of books, gifts, Munchkin school papers, etc. I could go on for hours. It's the one place I toss things in to be dealt with another time, were I shut the door & say "don't go in there." 

There is sentiment, worry, doubt, fears, fabulous memories & not so fabulous ones. Old photo albums, old cards - all those things which I am afraid to let go of. But it's time... beyond time for a cleanse, a massive purge, a new start.

Before I can change my mind, before I have time to question if I'll need it someday.

Three bags of shredding & garbage taken out in the past couple of days. It's a small start to letting go.

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

• Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
• Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. This is writing in the raw.
• Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
• Link your new posts to All Things Fadra (feel free to use her SOC Sunday graphic).

Reinvention and the final Stream of Consciousness Sunday

Say it isn't so!

I've totally been delinquent, preoccupied, whatever you'd like to call it & haven't done many of these lately but it certainly won't be the last post of this nature - I'll just be providing my own inspiration vs. relying on Miss Fadra, who has told us she is moving on from hosting this weekly forum. 

While it's nostalgic & a bit sad, I imagine it's incredibly freeing for Fadra to let go of this weekly obligation & I support her wholeheartedly. I get it. I feel the pressure too, so it totally makes sense to move on, but before we do, here's one last linked post.

Today’s (Optional) Writing Prompt: What does it mean to reinvent yourself?

Today my son asked me "what I'd like to do for a living." A few days ago, I was joking around with him in the car and he told me: "Mom, you are going to be out of control when you grow up!" The thought of being a 40 something mom of a soon to be school-age child begs for a constant state of reinvention in my life.

if you read my last post, you would see how overwhelming my life has become lately. I'm fighting to keep up, yet I know my season of change is never-ending or at least it will feel that way for the distant future. I'm at a stage in my career where I know I need to be doing something else & I've taken steps to get where I think I need to be, but the path has not taken me where I expected it to go. I'm re-evaluating what I really want to be when I grow up, literally.

It's like my kid has ESP & knows what I've been preoccupied about lately even though I don't say a word about it to him. He's sensitive, loving & caring. I'm certain he knows when I'm stressed & when I don't want him to know I'm stressed.

The major victory this year has been getting back to the business of being in shape. I had put that on the back burner, but now I'm cooking with gas...down a clothing size & on the way to dropping one more. Feeling more like my old self, but in a different way - not my old competitive self, but comfortable in my own skin. I've learned it's not ok to put myself last ALL the time. I'm a better person for it - both inside & out. 

I know that it will take some time to put all the pieces in place so that my future will be more clear, but I am moving forward nonetheless. I'll know it when I get there, but for now I am trusting that this path to reinvention will end in a happier place.

If you liked this post, you might also enjoy: Stream of Consciousness Sunday: 90 Days to Success or Stream of Consciousness Sunday: Caught Up In A Twist Of Fate

Long Time No See

Holy smokes it's been over 3 weeks since I blogged last. It's been such a stressful few weeks - like nothing we've experience before as a family, but we are adjusting as we go. A roller coaster of celebrations, goodbyes, new beginnings, emotions & experiences.

---> Preschool Graduation

---> Saying goodbye to the old teachers

---> New School Age Summer Care provider w/ fieldtrips

---> Making lunches daily

---> Adjusting to the new teachers

---> Birthdays

---> Father's Day

---> T-ball Lessons

---> Swimming Lessons

---> Wedding

---> New schedules for everyone

---> Volunteering

The list goes on. All in the last 3 weeks. I can hardly fathom getting through it all, but we have. Everyday is a struggle. Like an amusement ride that never ends. The strength starts from within but from where I'll never know. No time to recharge the batteries, no time to second guess. Just go with it. Follow the schedule. It's just about all I can do.

I've been squeezing in some "me time" too. A girlfriend talked me into joining her Beach Body Challenge group - remember? We are on day #62 of a 90 day program. I chose Brett Hoebel's Rev Abs. Even with this crazy schedule I've made huge progress for me... 8 lbs down & 14 1/4" gone from all over my body. I've dropped a clothing size & overall am feeling more like my old self. They goal is to be down 2 sizes by the end of this & to continue what I finish, meaning I choose a new program to do at the end of this one to continue the progress.

My garden is taking shape & babies are everywhere:

Gives me some peace & joy to see them taking shape, plus it's a great daily reminder for Munchkin that patience reaps rewards. So hopefully it won't be quite so long before I blog again. Time will tell.

Oh! Guess what?! I pulled the trigger & ordered an iPad (version 3) today. Our family's first. I can hardly wait to pick it up. The badly needed new PC will have to wait ; )

If you liked this post, you might also enjoy: May Flowers & New Experiences or Stream of Consciousness Sunday: 90 Days to Success

Day 17 Of An Unofficial 31 Day Experiment

Only 4 days to go before I consider myself having re-wired my brain. Just 21 days to form a habit, but I'm not stopping there.

I'm doing daily workouts for 31 days. No one wants to accept that their body isn't that of a 20 something or even a 30 something young woman anymore.   And it really sucks.  Every day I get up, I remind myself that my stamina is not what it used to be, but I can still change that. The needle can still be moved in the opposite direction. It's just going to take time.

I'm pretty excited that after only 14 days of daily workouts I could already feel the difference in the way my pants fit - for real. I was not imagining it - I promise you.  

Tonight I re-introduced myself to an old friend...

He was very happy to see me and hopes I won't neglect him as I've done over the past several months.  It was a matter of remembering that it's not that big a a deal. 2 miles is nothing mixed in with a little sweat. I remember having to get in 45 minutes to an hour of Cardio once (sometimes twice) each day to stay on course preparing for contests. Back when I was teaching I'd teach up to 11 classes a week & still do my workouts on top of that. I would run road races without really training & I didn't die afterwards. 

What's a little workout done in the comfort of my own home - so easy right? I know it. I can do this & it can't be a resolution thing - it's about change, focus & balance, plus remembering how confident being really fit makes you.  I want that feeling back in my life.

So the squats, lunges, kettle bells, tubing work, pushups, boxing & videos will all add up in the end & keep me focused on the prize. Golf season is only a few months away & boy are those skirts short!

If you liked this post, you might also enjoy: Stream Of Consciousness Sunday: Daily Distractions or Stream Of Conciousness Sunday: The New Car Smell Of 2012

Back in the Saddle Again

It's the weekend after a very long, stressful work week.  Now that we've survived the holidays, the Christmas tree was stripped bare. All the ornaments, garland & lights were carefully packed away.  

I've been buying a few ornaments each year & making an effort to pare down & get rid of holiday decor I no longer intend to use. My latest thing has been an obsession with soft ornaments - fabric or knitted - anything Munchkin can touch & handle without fear of glass breaking should it be dropped by accident. We also have a nice new collection of ornaments Munchkin has made which find a home on our tree every year.

Last week was also a crazy one because there was a lice scare in Munchkin's class. Those of you that have been through it know the drill, I could handle it but it's such an inconvenience. After a haircut today I chatted with his stylist about the lice issue.  She recommended the line of products they carry for Lice Prevention. I had always thought that lice only liked thin, straight hair typical of little toe heads. I though our risk was low - no shortage of curls & texture in Munchkin's adorable little head.

She told me that one of the worst cases she has ever seen was in a little multiracial girl with a head of gorgeous round curls.  That freaked me out enough that I walked out after buying a product she recommended - a Lice Prevention Leave-in Conditioner. Needless to say I was taking no chances going forward.

Next up comes party planning as within a couple of months Munchkin turns 5 years old & we've promised that he can have a bigger party every other year. I would go bat crazy if I have to figure out kid party logistics every single year.   It's also the countdown to Kindergarten registration.  Unfortunately I have no idea where Munchkin's Birth Certificate is, so I'll be ordering a new one a.s.a.p. It's also time to schedule the annual Well Child Pediatric appointment.

As difficult as it is to find time for me, I'm committed, like so many other Moms I know, to make 2012 the year of a better me. I miss the health club for the abundance of free weights. I also miss group fitness classes after having taught for so many years, so I responded to a Groupon offer good for 10 drop-in classes at a studio not too far from home. I have an entire year to use them, so there's no way I can lose.

I'm also getting reacquainted with something called a daily workout.  I've gone back to journaling our meals & my workouts, so I have some visual form of accountability - just like I used back when I was training for a bodybuilding show & was on a very restricted diet & specific eating plan. 

I'm "Back in the saddle again" having worked out 6 days in a row this week.  ((Giving myself a pat on the back from my conscience.)) How? By staying focused, but taking things slow so that I'm not overwhelmed with muscle soreness.  I've already increased my repetitions & plan to add more elements back into my workout schedule. For  now I need to continue this effort at home - not feeling ready to pay club membership dues again when I can't get to the gym as much as I'd prefer to.

Any form of exercise if pursued continuously will help train us in perseverance. - Mao Tse-Tung

I've made good friends with my Kettlebell thanks to a challenge idea spotted by @KrisColvin for doing 10,000 Kettlebell swings in the month of January. I'll get no where near that many swings in, however for me combining them with tons of squats & lunges is more my plan. I've also started fitting in a lot of old fashioned pushups.

“Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.” 

- Jim Rohn

I fully intend to be a totally hot chick in my short golf skirts this season walking the course with my best girls - putting one foot in front of the other, making better choices & focusing on my goals. Next week it's back on the elliptical - taking things up another notch. I'm on a mission - no resolutions, just less talk and a hell of a lot more action.

If you liked this post, you might also enjoy: Taking Back Control   or Will You Wait & See or Are You Riding The Google+ Bandwagon?! or Goodnight Wordless Wednesday - Where Would You Rather Be ...

Back To Blogging Day 2: "Flip The Script" - A Must Read Post

It's day two of Blog Frog's Back to Blogging exercises. We were tasked with choosing a post which we wish more people had read, explaining why it was so important to us.

The post I chose was called Striving to be the best and thriving though change:

(A sappy title - I know. I should have thought of something much more enticing for sure - perhaps like "Flip The Script.")

~~~~~

Last Sunday was Oscar night.  I don't normally spend 3+ hours glued to the tube awaiting the results or critiquing the gowns & this year was no exception. I do, however like to know who won the major award categories. There were a number of things that made watching those final categories enticing, including Sandra Bullock's and Gabourey Sidibe Best Actress nominations for The Blind Side & Precious respectively.

Sandra received a Worst Actress Razzie Award for her role in “All About Steve” literally a day before winning the Best Actress award for her work on The Blind Side. I loved watching her Barbara Walters interview prior to the awards & then her acceptance speech upon winning her Oscar.  She has such incredibly believable wit, candor, humor & warmth in her thoughts & words. She makes you want to understand, trust & love who she really is inside - beneath all the layers that we've seen on & off the screen. We want to believe her when she speaks of her husband Jesse James "having her back" and what that means to her. Even Nate Berkus described her the other day on Twitter as "funny, open, warm and sweet."

Gabourey has been quoted in the past as saying "People look at me and don't expect much. I expect a lot." She went into the auditions for the role with a lot to gain & nothing to lose. She didn't let the fact that this role was her very first stop her from giving an extraordinary performance, even a career defining one. It was her once in a lifetime opportunity & she wasn't letting it pass her up. She is truly grounded & focused on her goals, with her self esteem intact.  

"I will not let anybody's opinion destroy me." - Gabourey Sidebe

She should have a long & very bright future ahead of her, as long as she continues to keep it all in perspective.

Striving to be the best, and thriving through change was my idea for this post. What I love about Sandra's win, is that she stepped out of her usual box & ventured into the uncertainty of a serious role.  It was a change, not something she was unfamiliar with because of the influence of her parents, but untested waters for her none-the-less. She found a way to not only survive the change, but she thrived on it.

Not every situation we encounter will have that element of familiarity, but we still need to embrace the uncertainties. When you stop and listen to the issues you'll always discover what within yourself of significance & value can be brought to the table. Only then will you to be able to rise to the occasion, make substantial progress & lead that vision for change. Let every opportunity to contribute to a "win" for promoting & leading through change, be like your own mini Oscar performance.

 ~~~~~

I wrote this back in March of this year, before my universe fell back into a routine of semi-normalcy. Unfortunately for Sandra B. her life was turned totally upside soon after this post was written & I claim no responsibility for her turn of bad luck! 

Today was a tough day at the office - the kind that has you second guessing your purpose & why fate has dealt you the hand your playing with. Every day we have to chose whether we will make it a positive and productive day, or whether we will let the negative "crap" get the better of us. 

The ideas behind this post really kept me focused & on track to welcome some positive events into my life.  The reality is those days will come & go and you have to push through them in order to get to the better days that will definitely come your way.  As hard as it can be at times it, life calls for you to alter your mindset in anticipation of the gifts that you are due.

I wish it was a post that reached more people because it's a part of life that affects us all at one time or another.  We all need to remember that it's within our power every time to "Flip The Script".

Seasons Change

As Spring winds down & the First Day of Summer quickly approaches, I decided it was time to redecorate this space. It never hurts to freshen things up a bit. I'm the type that likes to change the decor in my home every season, so why not do the same here with my home away from home.

"There is only one moment in time when it is essential to awaken.  

That moment is now. - "The Buddha, India" 

I wish the last couple of days hadn't flown by so quickly. Our days were filled with a graduation, a wedding, an informal family gathering, plus a graduation open house - all substantial moments in life to cherish.  The open house got me thinking about all that I have to look forward to with my son in the years to come. When I see young men, I try to imagine what kind of man my son will turn out to be.  I have no doubt that with every new milestone reached, he will continue to make his mother proud. 

With this new daily work schedule, outside of my reading list, causes like preventing homelessness & regular family obligations, I'm craving incremental inspiration.  I am in the middle of brainstorming many more topics which people can identify and be passionate about.

I'm looking forward to planning fun Summer field trips with my son.  Now that we will have more weekend time for discovery, I know opportunities to make some fabulous new family memories, gather material for this blog and capture great photographs along the way will come.  

Live For Today - It Changes In An Instant

How kids make progressions in leaps & bounds at this age amazes me. From writing words to coloring within the lines, my son is growing up too fast. Not that long ago I swear I was just helping him hold the pencil the right way as he wrote & now the words are recognizable - with no help from Mom.

 Memories are made in an instant. Look the other way & you'll miss them. Life can change in an instant. Live for today, because tomorrow is never promised.

Yes, of course I want him to learn as much as possible - to grow more independent every day, to feel confident and secure in his skin. I'm just not quite ready for him to come home and quiz me on the Spanish he learned that day at school: "Rojo is Red, Mom. What is Yellow? What is Green? What is Blue, Mom?"  Or to have a witty comeback for why he's not ready to take a nap like: "I'm not sleepy anymore - I don't have any yawns in my mouth."

"I pray that my love for you will brim with practical wisdom, that where appropriate I will be able to respond to your questions with clear answers. I pray that my love for you will brim with imagination, that where appropriate I will be able to answer your questions with enlightening stories. - Modern prayer from Uppsala, Sweden

How quickly little boys quickly grow into little men. The other day, he asked for a wipe, then proceeded to clean the kitchen table before dinner.  He methodically removed each placemat & them put them back in their places when he was finished. He loves to water the plants in our landscaping and even Swiffer the hardwood floors.  I'm aware the novelty of being Mom's little helper may eventually wear off, but in the meantime I'm enjoying the daily surprises. 

Many working Moms end the day feeling more stressed than when it started. There is usually so much to be done before we are able to call it a night and rest. As I reflected on some of the good family memories that were made this week, a few aha's came to mind. You might even call it a mini survival kit for the working mom.

1. Reserve your battles for the things that are most important. 

2. Don't waste energy obsessing about the things you can't control - the unknowns. 

3. Keep that list of regrets in your life short. 

4. Find inspiration in the things you see around you that renew a sense of hope & fulfillment. 

5. Try not to get so caught up in the challenges of today that you miss the sweetness and the joys.

 

A New Chapter

Well starting late next week, a new chapter will unfold as I start work at a contract position for the next several months.  I tossed the idea back in forth in my head, discussed it with family & a couple of close friends.  I've also heard in the past several days that more people in my personal circle would be losing their jobs. 

Everyone should learn to stretch beyond their comfort zone. 
- Harvey Mackay  

It's such a sobering reality. Things just may get worse for so many before they get better. There are no promises to be made - no guarantees - only what life dishes out day by day.  It's a matter of how you choose to play the cards you've been dealt and where you continue your journey from there. My prayers go out to them. I also said a little prayer of thanks that some good fortune has found it's way back to our family. It will mean some big changes for how we manage our lives, but we all will adjust.

"Press on. Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education alone will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent." - Calvin Coolidge

It's amazing how small victories give a person strength & courage. Only you can work to make sure you are in a better situation the next time a major challenge tests your will to survive. Only you can decide to thrive. I am empowered to write a new chapter.

The search goes on for a permanent career opportunity - still a work in progress. I never imagined a plot twist such as this, but I'm willing to take it and see how my character develops - in more ways than one.

Striving to be the best and thriving though change

Last Sunday was Oscar night.  I don't normally spend 3+ hours glued to the tube awaiting the results or critiquing the gowns & this year was no exception. I do, however like to know who won the major award categories. There were a number of things that made watching those final categories enticing, including Sandra Bullock's and Gabourey Sidibe Best Actress nominations for The Blind Side & Precious respectively.

Sandra received a Worst Actress Razzie Award for her role in “All About Steve” literally a day before winning the Best Actress award for her work on The Blind Side. I loved watching her Barbara Walters interview prior to the awards & then her acceptance speech upon winning her Oscar.  She has such incredibly believable wit, candor, humor & warmth in her thoughts & words. She makes you want to understand, trust & love who she really is inside - beneath all the layers that we've seen on & off the screen. We want to believe her when she speaks of her husband Jesse James "having her back" and what that means to her. Even Nate Berkus described her the other day on Twitter as "funny, open, warm and sweet."

Gabourey has been quoted in the past as saying "People look at me and don't expect much. I expect a lot." She went into the auditions for the role with a lot to gain & nothing to lose. She didn't let the fact that this role was her very first stop her from giving an extraordinary performance, even a career defining one. It was her once in a lifetime opportunity & she wasn't letting it pass her up. She is truly grounded & focused on her goals, with her self esteem intact.  

"I will not let anybody's opinion destroy me." - Gabourey Sidebe

She should have a long & very bright future ahead of her, as long as she continues to keep it all in perspective.

Striving to be the best, and thriving through change was my idea for this post. What I love about Sandra's win, is that she stepped out of her usual box & ventured into the uncertainty of a serious role.  It was a change, not something she was unfamiliar with because of the influence of her parents, but untested waters for her none-the-less. She found a way to not only survive the change, but she thrived on it.

Not every situation we encounter will have that element of familiarity, but we still need to embrace the uncertainties. When you stop and listen to the issues you'll always discover what within yourself of significance & value can be brought to the table. Only then will you to be able to rise to the occasion, make substantial progress & lead that vision for change. Let every opportunity to contribute to a "win" for promoting & leading through change, be like your own mini Oscar performance.

Why write a blog now?

When I was first laid off, I read an article that suggested that people could be so much more than their resume. That struck a cord with me when I realized how closely my own sense of self worth was tied directly to my jobs & what I had been able to accomplish in my career over the past 20 years.

My stack of partially read books has grown over the past few months, so I intend to plow through them & share my learnings, along with a few personal aha moments along the way. I’m almost through “U R a Brand – How Smart People Brand Themselves for Business Success” by Catherine Kaputa. For example, Catherine reminds her readers that “When situations change, you must change if you intend to succeed.” While it’s easy enough to do this in your work environment, day in & day out – you can forget to do the same in your personal life.

Wanting to take the time to re-discover myself from the inside out & re-define what I aspire to be is the main reason for starting a blog now. Navigating change should really be a conscious effort. Most Moms deal with daily situations almost on auto-pilot. Live more in the moment & understand the ramifications of every decision forcing you to be more pro-active rather than feeling controlled & reactive. To become an all-around change agent is a 2010 goal.

“Faith, Focus, Finish” – Larry Fitzgerald

Life tosses out distractions and diversions daily – an e-mail, a request from your husband, child, extended family or friend can take valuable time away, from that which you had promised to yourself. Maintaining my focus is critical to this journey.